Is Fertility an Issue For Those Who Choose Not to Parent?

My brother and sister in law have decided they will not have children. Period. They adore their nieces and nephews, and dote on the neighbors kids. But when it comes to raising their own, that is just not in their plans. And that’s ok. I may not understand not wanting to parent (and I know they would be fabulous parents!), but I certainly respect and possibly even admire their honesty and their consideration. Parenting is not for everyone! In fact, perhaps more people should decide parenting is not the best choice for their personal life. But I can’t help but wonder…

If people who decided they did not want to bring kids into their life knew they absolutely could not biologically have children, if they could never physically know the feeling of being a part of creating a new life, would they still not want to. Would they be joyous? Would they see it as an answer to their prayers? As an affirmation that they’ve made the right choice? Or would they experience the feeling of failure, of loss, that so many couples facing fertility issues feel?

As a woman who struggled for many years with trying to conceive, I know that I always felt my body was failing me, like it was letting me down. I would tell myself all the right things- that God had other plans for me (which he obviously did! Even better plans than I could have imagined!), and that it wasn’t the right time. But deep down I still beat myself up. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I didn’t deserve to know the love a mother feels for her children.

So I have to wonder if couples who choose to remain childless would still know that they didn’t want to bring children into the world anyway, or would they wonder what might have been? Would the man feel less of a man because he could not give his wife a child if she had wanted that? Would a woman feel like her body was broken, even though she never intended for it to carry a child?

If people are being brutally honest, these are the things they feel when they want to grow their family and it does not happen easily, or traditionally. But I just wonder if they feel that way when they are not intending to grow their family. These are the things I ponder!

Is Fertility an Issue For Those Who Choose Not to Parent?