Marriage Bootcamp

I was awakened at 3am today by the loud crash of something falling somewhere in the house. Ok, it probably wasn’t so loud since it was a tiny cup and toothbrush falling to the bathroom floor, but in my deep sleep it may as well have been the roof caving in. Anyway, the adrenaline rush woke me completely and instead of sleep visiting me again I was kept awake by hunger. Like stomach rumbling hunger. And a peanut butter and honey sandwich was just what I needed. So I gave in to the hunger and craving, got up and made my sandwich, and turned on the TV.

I have a slight addiction to family, wedding, baby, and house hunting reality shows so I found a show called “Marriage Bootcamp” and I snuggled in with my blanket, sandwich, and glass of milk to feed my addiction. The show featured four or five couples who are struggling in their marriage, and who agreed to attend this boot camp and give it 100% to try and save their marriage. The couples all shared a house for the duration of the boot camp, and they all were critiqued by the shows directors and therapists on their openness, their emotion, and their commitment to their spouse and to the program.

When I turned on the show the couples were meeting with a divorce attorney to discuss terms and details, as though they were actually going through it. The couple that I saw talking with the attorney were so cold and bitter and angry, and they had apparently had discussions about divorce details prior to this meeting. I think the point of this exercise was for couples to face the reality of the process and to hopefully give them a deeper appreciation for the life they have. After that, the couples were asked to write an honest, heartfelt letter to their spouse, to turn it in, and to go back to the house.

Later on the couples were taking a few minutes to get to know each other when they were called, one by one, to their next exercise. The exercise that brought me to tears. The exercise that I know would make me break down and cling to my husband for dear life. The exercise that has to make any couple who has any chance at a lasting marriage realize the love they have for their spouse. The funeral.

Yes, I did say the funeral, of one spouse. They literally had one partner climb in a casket, they had a portrait of that person, and it looked exactly like a real funeral. The other spouse was brought in to see their husband or wife lying in a coffin, eyes closed, hands folded, and a somber gathering of “loved ones” mourning the loss. The surviving spouse had to read their letter, in past tense,  out loud, then they touched their partner in the coffin on the forehead and that person could then respond.

I couldn’t help it, I broke down. It freaked me out to think of climbing into a coffin, it made me ill to think of seeing my precious husband lying there as though he were dead, and it broke my heart for these couples who need this extreme , awful task to realize how precious life is, and how blessed they are in their lives. Sadly two of the couples didn’t even “get” the point of the exercise at all. One wife (the one I previously mentioned who was so bitter when speaking with the divorce attorney) refused to participate at all, and one husband mocked his wife saying, “why are you crying? I’m not dead you know.” Seriously? On the other hand, one wife stood up in that coffin, jumped into her husbands arms, and sobbed her heart out as she clung to him.   Obviously after watching this I went back to bed, snuggled in close to my husband, and thanked God for this man, this family, this life He has blessed me with.

 

 

Marriage Bootcamp