Relaxing is for Sissies

So our summer got off to a super fun start visiting family in Ormond Beach. We played, we laughed, we visited, and we ate…a lot! The first full week of summer vacation was an easy week that somehow went by super fast. It was just a week of doing what we want when we want. A week of sleeping in, relaxing, and just enjoying the break from the school routine. Then Mark left on Thursday night and drove the boys home on Friday, and the fun craziness began.

Friday night the kids got in late, so they all played and we visited a little before bedtime. The next morning was my 40th birthday, and my family had a full day of fun and surprises planned, (that’s a whole separate blog in itself) and I don’t think we slowed down since. Or not much anyway.

We’ve been to the movies, we’ve been to the beach, we’ve been to the pool, we’ve played with friends, we’ve gotten Build A Bears, we’ve eaten out, and the kids are going to church camp…and it’s only Wednesday! Keep ‘em busy, that’s what we say. Somehow the slow summer with not much planned has become a fast paced whirlwind of family, friends, travels, and fun. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But this mom is one tired girl! Is it bad that by 3:00 (and that’s on a good day) I’m already looking forward to bedtime for the kids so I can snuggle up on the couch with my hubby and relax and unwind before the craziness begins again the next morning?

Relaxing is for Sissies

Marriage Bootcamp

I was awakened at 3am today by the loud crash of something falling somewhere in the house. Ok, it probably wasn’t so loud since it was a tiny cup and toothbrush falling to the bathroom floor, but in my deep sleep it may as well have been the roof caving in. Anyway, the adrenaline rush woke me completely and instead of sleep visiting me again I was kept awake by hunger. Like stomach rumbling hunger. And a peanut butter and honey sandwich was just what I needed. So I gave in to the hunger and craving, got up and made my sandwich, and turned on the TV.

I have a slight addiction to family, wedding, baby, and house hunting reality shows so I found a show called “Marriage Bootcamp” and I snuggled in with my blanket, sandwich, and glass of milk to feed my addiction. The show featured four or five couples who are struggling in their marriage, and who agreed to attend this boot camp and give it 100% to try and save their marriage. The couples all shared a house for the duration of the boot camp, and they all were critiqued by the shows directors and therapists on their openness, their emotion, and their commitment to their spouse and to the program.

When I turned on the show the couples were meeting with a divorce attorney to discuss terms and details, as though they were actually going through it. The couple that I saw talking with the attorney were so cold and bitter and angry, and they had apparently had discussions about divorce details prior to this meeting. I think the point of this exercise was for couples to face the reality of the process and to hopefully give them a deeper appreciation for the life they have. After that, the couples were asked to write an honest, heartfelt letter to their spouse, to turn it in, and to go back to the house.

Later on the couples were taking a few minutes to get to know each other when they were called, one by one, to their next exercise. The exercise that brought me to tears. The exercise that I know would make me break down and cling to my husband for dear life. The exercise that has to make any couple who has any chance at a lasting marriage realize the love they have for their spouse. The funeral.

Yes, I did say the funeral, of one spouse. They literally had one partner climb in a casket, they had a portrait of that person, and it looked exactly like a real funeral. The other spouse was brought in to see their husband or wife lying in a coffin, eyes closed, hands folded, and a somber gathering of “loved ones” mourning the loss. The surviving spouse had to read their letter, in past tense,  out loud, then they touched their partner in the coffin on the forehead and that person could then respond.

I couldn’t help it, I broke down. It freaked me out to think of climbing into a coffin, it made me ill to think of seeing my precious husband lying there as though he were dead, and it broke my heart for these couples who need this extreme , awful task to realize how precious life is, and how blessed they are in their lives. Sadly two of the couples didn’t even “get” the point of the exercise at all. One wife (the one I previously mentioned who was so bitter when speaking with the divorce attorney) refused to participate at all, and one husband mocked his wife saying, “why are you crying? I’m not dead you know.” Seriously? On the other hand, one wife stood up in that coffin, jumped into her husbands arms, and sobbed her heart out as she clung to him.   Obviously after watching this I went back to bed, snuggled in close to my husband, and thanked God for this man, this family, this life He has blessed me with.

 

 

Marriage Bootcamp

I Just Wanna Be Me!

Since I’ve started blogging and working on my book in earnest I’ve been researching a lot of different writing styles and blogs, and here’s what I’ve found. In the quest to be “different” or have an element that sets them apart from others, blog mom’s are going way out on a limb and getting extreme. Shocked? I didn’t think so. And yeah, I get it. They want to find something that interests people, that makes them want to read their stuff. And I do too. I write a lot about adoption, which is something that not everyone relates to, but that those who do are passionate about. So yes, I really do get it.

The part I struggle with is the blogs and websites that are dedicated to making those of us “normal” moms feel less than perfect. Less than adequate even at times. Where is the mom who just lives? Who thinks about working out and exercising a whole lot more than she actually does. Who tries to feed her family balanced meals, but who still serves meat and potatoes and canned veggies (and even MickeyDs sometimes!) for dinner and lunch meat or PB&J for lunch. Who makes sure her kids get some physical activity every day, and who monitors the electronics, but wants to let the kids just be kids too. I’m looking for the mom who will attempt to do a craft or two occasionally, but who doesn’t have to reign Pinterest project queen supreme. The mom who  enjoys baking, but Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies made with the recipe on the bag are the cookie of choice. Oh, and this mom uses real, regular sugar and butter and brown sugar. And guess what? She’s not obese, she’s not lazy, she’s not unhealthy, or an unfit mom. She’s just a wife and a mom living her best life.

The other style I’ve taken a bit of a disliking to are the “real” women who go on and on about their love for booze. “I don’t go to play dates unless wine is served.” Or the ones who display their potty mouth with pride for all the world to read, with their “I don’t care what you think of me” attitude, that means I really do care, but since I don’t think I’m good enough I’ll run with my imperfections. Or the doom and gloom, life is so rough but I’m just getting by and that’s the best you can expect of me. No way! Life can be tough, but please have higher expectations of me than just being, than just getting by. Because I know I deserve better, my family deserves better, and I can do more!

Let me reiterate, I do somewhat get it. I really do. Some of these sites have a huge following, me being one of those followers, because I like some of the stuff I see. And I do relate sometimes to the things they’re saying. And sometimes they are just entertaining. But for me, I think I’ll just try to be the middle of the road and be myself. Which may or may not get me readers. It may or may not spark interest. But it will definitely help me say what I think, what I feel, and what I want to share. I know many of my friends and family can and will relate to my family daily life antics. And hopefully all will see that a divorced, newly remarried adoptive mom to one and step mom to two who shares her stories can just live a normal life like regular people (I think what I’m trying to say here is despite where we’ve been in life, we’re all just regular people). Hopefully I will help those who have been through trials (umm…that’s absolutely everyone!), no matter how big or small, see that you will survive, you can come out on top, and you can just live and be you!

I Just Wanna Be Me!

Summer Fun... Home School?!

First grade has not even officially wrapped up and already my daughter wants to zip through second grade. Over the summer. With me teaching her. Wow! What’s a not-so-organized, perfectionist mom who doesn’t really do strict scheduling do? Figure it out! If the kid wants to learn and excel, then that’s what we’ll do!

We as a family began working on a summer “bucket list”, if you will, with our ideas and wants for the summer, and our big calendars to plug in the approved items. (It will not be possible to do all the suggested items as the kids want to move-not happening-, and they all want to go to different theme parks. I think we have 4 on our list. Can you say way expensive?!) Anyway, we all gave some suggestions, such as bowling, the beach, make ice cream sundaes, and a water balloon fight, just to name a few; but Bella wants to do home school. And she’s very serious. And adamant. And as a mom, I couldn’t be happier. Sort of.

You see, this is one of those projects that sounds great, and could be fairly simple. Except that it’s Bella’s idea. And she doesn’t do small or simple. Nope. Bella’s ideas are grandiose, and creative, and typically out of my realm of imagination and capability (not to mention way outside of budget!). So we’re working on a compromise. I’m picturing setting aside a little time each day to work our way through an appropriate level workbook that challenges her, and making sure we’re doing daily reading. If I get super creative we may even try a craft or two! If, maybe! She, on the other hand, is picturing setting up our entire house as a big classroom with a gigantic word wall, a separate gathering carpet for “every day counts”, and enough sharpies, markers, white boards, folders, notebooks, etc. to make any elementary school teacher drool.

Fortunately for me, other family adults get to participate in this summer home school fun., so I won’t be going it alone. Mawmaw will be the music teacher, and Papa will be arts and crafts. Daddy will be the PE teacher, and I get the rest. We shall see how this summer unfolds, and I just know I will have plenty of pictures and anecdotal stories to share! If you have any suggestions, ideas, or coping mechanisms I welcome them!

Summer Fun... Home School?!