In an age with so much diversity in our culture, and where tolerance is a way of life, it is amazing to me that a non-traditional means of growing a family is still a taboo topic in the schools.
Recently the schools had their Great American Teach In day, and I had what I thought was a brilliant plan for sharing with my daughter’s class. The school had sent home a flier stating participants could talk to the class about a career, a hobby, or a personal experience, or they could read a book or do an activity. Writing is my passion as well as my career, so as I was trying to think of how I could share my writing with her class when it hit me that the topic I am writing about may be of more interest than the writing itself. You see the topic I am writing about is my own personal experience. It is the story of how my beautiful, precious girl was delivered to me by way of a birthmother who was entrusted to bring a baby into this world for another mommy who couldn’t grow the baby in her tummy. Yes my daughter was delivered to me through adoption.
I do realize this may be a “sensitive” subject (in the words of the school principal), but I also know that there are many worldly lessons taught to young children in schools, some in the classroom and some just by other children. However, since I do have a six year old that I have always communicated openly with about adoption, and who is very proud that she was created very special, just for our family, I feel I have the capability to portray adoption as a loving, exciting way for children to be brought into their families.
A few weeks ago my daughter came home from school telling me that a boy in the lunchroom told her what sexy means. “He said it means you have to take your shirts off, and lie in bed together, and some other stuff I can’t remember”, she announced. What? Why does a six year old have this much knowledge? We discussed that being a highly inappropriate conversation for kids, and that she should excuse herself from the conversation and let the teachers know if that comes up again. Well apparently this news upset the little boy so he began using his karate moves on her, and told her she’s “a girl from hell” (whispered by my daughter, who knew she needed to tell me, but knew she is not allowed to say it). My husband talked to her teacher and the situation was well taken care of by the teacher and administration.
A couple weeks later the school was having red ribbon week, to teach children “to make healthy choices”, according to the flier sent home. So I naïvely went along with that, until a friend mentioned her son was being asked to wear different items to school (i.e. a silly hat, red shirt, etc.) throughout that same week for “Say no to drugs” week. So one day at school I looked around a little more closely and realized the posters around the campus were talking about drugs and alcohol, and telling kids to say no to such bad things. Great, except that my six year old had no awareness of drugs or alcohol until it was introduced at school. At this point I’m not really comfortable with the fact that my child is being introduced to these things just to be taught that they’re bad for you and you should say no to them. I understand this may be necessary as the kids are getting older, but I’m not sure Kindergarten and first grade are the place to start.
I have spoken to many of my mom friends about this matter to get their feedback about talking to the children about adoption; and, surprisingly to me, all were in agreement with me. Our schools take it upon themselves to teach so many life lessons that should be taught at home, so how is it determined what is taboo and what is necessary? I respect the principal’s position, and I can even somewhat understand how she came to her decision. After all there are definitely cultural diversities that I certainly do not want my child learning about at school. And obviously a lot of other questions and conversations could certainly evolve from the adoption topic. It just took me by surprise that in this modern world such a subject is still taboo. I’ll just chalk it up to the principal protecting me from facing the age old question of young children, “where do babies come from?”
Sex, Drugs, Adoption...What is Ok for Kids?
for joy! I was so excited for her, and proud of her bravery as I twisted and tugged to help it along (it was so loose that it was more of an annoyance to her, and worth a little hurt to just to get it out). We called Daddy to share the good news, and we sent pictures to him, Mawmaw, Aunt Robyn, and Uncle Eric. We giggled at how funny it felt when she talked, and we admired how cute she is in all her toothless beauty (she’s also missing two bottom teeth). And then it was time to settle in and get to sleep so the tooth fairy could make her stop at our house.
