I Can't Fix It For the Broken Kids

I recently read an article about a 24 year old mother who was arrested for child endangerment after police found her unresponsive in the shower, and her two small children were left unattended, and it just turns my stomach. Apparently there had been two other adults in the home, but after they put the mother in the shower in a futile attempt to arouse her, they left. When police arrived, they found the older child crying for help to wake up his mom, and they found an uncapped syringe with clear liquid and a burnt spoon in the bathroom with her. The children were placed in the custody of their grandmother, and the older child was interviewed by Child Protective Services.  He told them that “his mom gives herself shots all the time in the bathroom but he isn’t allowed to go in when she is giving the shots.”

These are the stories that just rip your heart apart! Those innocent children deserve so much better, and they don’t even know it! And where was the grandmother before this happened? These are the situations where I just don’t understand how the so-called “parent” got to be a parent. Why did God let that happen when there are so many safe, loving homes lacking, but longing for, the warmth and love of sweet babies. What on earth led that woman to believe her home, her lifestyle, would provide a loving environment for impressionable children? Does the father of the children know what they are going through? Does he even care? And how can he not?

I don’t want to judge, and obviously I don’t know all the facts and all the history. But man, with the facts I do know I just can’t help but feel sad and hurt for these kids. And for their mom too, I suppose. I mean, what must she be going through or have gone through in her life to have such a need for drugs that they are more important than the safety and welfare of her children? I wonder if she feels guilty for scaring them like she did. I wonder if she is afraid of the control the substances have over her that she is willing to make any and all sacrifices for them.

Stories like this remind me just how naive and sheltered I am, that I just can’t fathom a mom behaving in such a way. I hate to think that there are so many other kids facing such sad, lonely, and scary childhoods. But the reality is there are, and I know it. It’s so hard to think about because I can’t fix it. And that’s what I want to do, as a mom, as a compassionate human, is to fix it for them.

But really, each of us has an opportunity to help kids like this. We  can be a mentor at our kids’ schools. Believe it or not there are kids there whose best time of the day is at school. That may be their only opportunity for close contact and interaction. That may be the only place they are getting fed.  And that may be the only place someone cares about them. We can get to know the kids at our churches and community activities and help them see that there are loving caring adults, and there is someone they can turn to if they need a helping hand. Also, there are so many kids in the foster care system who have lived in dire situations, who have seen more in their short little lives than most of us can even fathom. And I know that foster parenting and adoption are not the right fit for every family, but we can all spread the word and make it more widespread so that kids who have been removed from a less than ideal situation have loving arms waiting and wanting to protect them.

Thinking of kids hurting, especially at the hands of their own parents, is gut wrenching and sad. It is one of life’s biggest tragedies, and a depressing reality. Take your kids in your arms and hug them to pieces. Thank God for them and the joy they bring into your home. And then teach them compassion for others, and help them understand that a little kindness can go a long way in the life of one who sees little good in the world.

 

I Can't Fix It For the Broken Kids

Do Your Children Truly Get Veteran's Day? Do You?

“Veterans Day: A celebration to honor America’s veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.”

Happy Veteran’s Day! Or perhaps, Thankful For Our Veteran’s Day! However you want to say it, the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month has been a significant day in United States history since 1918, which marked the armistice ending the fighting in “the war to end all wars”, World War I. November 11, 1919 was the first Armistice Day, and in the words of President Woodrow Wilson, ”To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…”

Over the course of our history, after other treacherous wars were fought by so many service men and women to preserve and enhance our free nation, this day became known as Veteran’s Day. Legislation was passed on June 1, 1954 to make November 11th a day to honor American veterans of all wars, then on October 8th of that same year President Dwight D. Eisenhower issued the first Veteran’s Day proclamation which stated, “In order to insure proper and widespread observance of this anniversary, all veterans, all veterans’ organizations, and the entire citizenry will wish to join hands in the common purpose.” He then designated the offices and personnel that would coordinate and organize proper observance on a national level.

On June 28, 1968 the Uniform Holiday Bill was passed, and it was designed to ensure three day weekends for federal employees for four national holidays, Veteran’s Day being one of those. It was thought that these long weekends would encourage travel and spending, therefor boosting the nation’s economy. However, some states did not agree, and thus continued to celebrate those four holidays on their originally appointed date. So in 1978 it was decided that the observance of Veteran’s Day would be restored to November 11, preserving it’s historical significance, and reiterating it’s important purpose- to honor American veteran’s for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

Today’s history lesson is brought to you by me, to serve as a reminder to all of how this holiday began, what it means, and why we should be honoring all men and women who have served and are currently serving our great nation. You see, whether our veterans served in battle, trained military personnel, or served in other capacities to enhance our military and provide for our country, they all signed up to serve and protect, no matter the cost. They were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their country, our country. In these trying times in the United States of America, during times of such division and turmoil, it is so important to remember that we as a nation have fought long and hard to enjoy the freedoms we enjoy. And it’s even more important to honor those who have volunteered to be on the front lines standing up for this country we love, and for the ideals we as a christian based nation were founded on.

So let me ask. Do your children truly understand the meaning and historical significance of Veteran’s Day? Can anyone explain to me why our children devote so much time to learning about a historical figure such as Martin Luther King but spend no time honoring our veterans? They actually have Martin Luther King Day off of school, but not President’s Day, or Veteran’s Day. Am I the only one who has an issue with that? Not that I want them to be off school another day, but how is it decided which federal holidays and which historical figures deserve observance with suspending learning entirely after a month long celebration and education, and which ones are briefly mentioned in passing? The original concept for Veteran’s Day was a day of parades and public meetings, and a brief suspension of business at 11:00am. In 1926 Congress passed a concurrent resolution with these words (just a partial clip) “…inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples.” Maybe I’m way off base here, but I just feel Veteran’s Day is of significant importance to the entire foundation of our nation, and should be honored as such.

Last year Bella’s school did a wonderful program honoring veteran’s in general, and encouraging the student’s pride in their families’ veterans. The kids gathered the names, branches, and ranks of family members who had served or are currently serving and were introduced with them, if possible, and some of the parent veteran’s stood up and spoke to the children about their service. It was a wonderful tribute. This year they eliminated the program all together. They did have the students turn in the names of veterans and active military personnel in their families so they could honor them on a wall dedicated to Veteran’s Day. But I suppose an hour of the “common core curriculum” learning time just couldn’t be afforded. After all, how will these 5-10 year old children ever be ready for the rigorous academics of the universities if they give up their math and reading time for such minutia as honoring fellow humans who have paved the way for their futures?

On that note, let me close with a heartfelt thank you to my husband, my grandfather, my cousin, and my other family members and friends who have shown their love of country and willingness to sacrifice by serving in the military of the United States of America!

Do Your Children Truly Get Veteran's Day? Do You?

Be Kind. That Is All

Ever have one of those moments where a life lesson your mom taught you from early on jumps right in your face to remind you of it’s importance? Yep, that’s what happened this morning. I was reminded that you never know what people have going on, and that their “transgression” against you (real or perceived) may have a huge story behind it that you don’t even know. I was reminded to be kind and smile, because that may be just what someone needs to brighten their day. Or at least to not make their day even more difficult.

So a friend’s (maybe acquaintance’s) little girl’s heart was broken by the way an adult spoke to her (which is enough to make even the calmest of us go all momma bear on someone), she talked to her parents, and the mom had a bit of a meltdown telling me the story, and explaining to me some of what is going on in their family right now. Looking at this family from the outside you would have no idea they have anything going on at all. They are always put together, very social, always on time, and just really nice and easy going people. They never have a complaint, and their children are so well behaved and so well mannered. Though recently I’ve seen just a few little hints that there may be an excess of stress, but only tiny, seemingly unimportant signs.

So all morning at home I’ve been distracted thinking about this family, the mom who is carrying so much weight on her shoulders, and her sweet little girl whose tiny (and I mean minute!) innocent “mistake” has her feeling so bad, and her already stressed parents feeling more frustration. I’ve been so distracted in fact that I overcooked my hubby’s breakfast and I started a hundred things and have yet to finish one. I’ve been wishing I could see this sweet little girl and tell her it’s ok. I want to tell her I’m sorry her feelings were hurt, and I’m sorry that grown ups sometimes get a little carried away and say things they shouldn’t to kids. While I am not the one that hurt her, I want to be a grown up that shows her she deserves kindness and respect.

As my husband and I finished our walk (which is where we encountered this mom friend) I just kept replaying our conversation in my head, and it just stuck out in my mind that this is such an obvious example of how important it is to just be kind, to listen, and to not judge because you just don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. When I heard the story, it made the little mistakes and forgotten things that were already so minor completely excusable. But what bothered me, what stuck out in my mind, is how quick we are to judge and get angry over little things that would be ok if we knew the story. But why do we need the story? What makes it our business (other than if they want to share to ask for help or just need someone to listen)? Why do we sometimes only have compassion when there is bad stuff, then we have pity and we excuse all?  I was reminded this morning to think before I speak, and to realize that I just might make a difference in someone’s day just by what I say.

Be Kind. That Is All

Adoption IS an Option

Did you know that in 2012, in the United States alone, 995,867 abortions were performed? That is nearly 1 million babies killed! Is that number alarming and overwhelming to anyone else but me? Does it hurt your heart like it does mine to hear such a startlingly high number? Perhaps I’m naive, or maybe even ignorant, but I had no idea that so many abortions happened here in our own back yard every year!

Infertility seems almost like an epidemic in our country, and so many couples are turning to adoption as the way to bring love, joy, and completion to their families. So I wonder, when a woman goes to a clinic for an abortion, how educated is she on her options? Does she truly realize the seriousness of what she is about to do? Does she realize she has another option? One that will take sacrifice on her part, for sure, but that will spare her child’s life, and even give it the full and abundant life it deserves?

I realize that there are exceptions to every rule. I understand people have their “justification” for their abortion, and I understand that adoption is not an easy choice, and it doesn’t always turn out perfect. I do get that. But overall adoption is a very loving alternative to abortion, and I would love to see more education and awareness about it.

I write about my own personal adoption experience in hopes of helping others realize how fulfilling and amazing adoption can be. But going forward I will be finding other ways to try to give a voice to those poor babies who are aborted instead of given the chance to fulfill their life’s destiny. I will try to be a voice for couples whom God has called to adopt the child He created for them through another birthmother. And I will be a supportive and educational voice to birthmothers facing the hardest choices they have ever made.

One small way I will get started is by spreading the word about a small adoption business, adoption.net, which inspired me to write this post, and which has become my motivation and my call to action. Adoption.net is (according to their website) passionate about changing the world through adoption, and they are working to spread the word about a third option that covers both pro life and pro choice options- adoption. Intuit is running a contest for a small business to win a superbowl commercial, and adoption.net has made it to the second round. Please help me spread the word about such an amazing cause by taking just a second of your time (literally) to vote for them to be recognized on one of the largest national commercial stages possible. The link is https://www.smallbusinessbiggame.com/CA/AdoptionNET/385565. Thank you so much!

Adoption IS an Option

Is Fertility an Issue For Those Who Choose Not to Parent?

My brother and sister in law have decided they will not have children. Period. They adore their nieces and nephews, and dote on the neighbors kids. But when it comes to raising their own, that is just not in their plans. And that’s ok. I may not understand not wanting to parent (and I know they would be fabulous parents!), but I certainly respect and possibly even admire their honesty and their consideration. Parenting is not for everyone! In fact, perhaps more people should decide parenting is not the best choice for their personal life. But I can’t help but wonder…

If people who decided they did not want to bring kids into their life knew they absolutely could not biologically have children, if they could never physically know the feeling of being a part of creating a new life, would they still not want to. Would they be joyous? Would they see it as an answer to their prayers? As an affirmation that they’ve made the right choice? Or would they experience the feeling of failure, of loss, that so many couples facing fertility issues feel?

As a woman who struggled for many years with trying to conceive, I know that I always felt my body was failing me, like it was letting me down. I would tell myself all the right things- that God had other plans for me (which he obviously did! Even better plans than I could have imagined!), and that it wasn’t the right time. But deep down I still beat myself up. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I didn’t deserve to know the love a mother feels for her children.

So I have to wonder if couples who choose to remain childless would still know that they didn’t want to bring children into the world anyway, or would they wonder what might have been? Would the man feel less of a man because he could not give his wife a child if she had wanted that? Would a woman feel like her body was broken, even though she never intended for it to carry a child?

If people are being brutally honest, these are the things they feel when they want to grow their family and it does not happen easily, or traditionally. But I just wonder if they feel that way when they are not intending to grow their family. These are the things I ponder!

Is Fertility an Issue For Those Who Choose Not to Parent?

When Doing the "Right Thing" is Completely Wrong

Epic Mom fail this morning! I sent my daughter to school in tears. Why? I wouldn’t let her wake up her dad to say good morning because then we would be running late. Seriously? I can’t let her say a quick good morning to Daddy before school because I can’t let her be a couple minutes late? Really not even late, necessarily, just skating in between the first and second bells.

And what makes this even worse? Let me just tell on myself even further. This is such an epic mom fail because my husband had been out of town for the last ten days and got home long after she was in bed asleep last night. She missed him and couldn’t wait to see him and give him “lots of hugs and kisses”, and I insist on doing the “right thing” and leaving right on time for school instead of allowing her those couple extra minutes to say hi. Talk about feeling bad all day. And to top it off, on the way to school I had to mention she didn’t put on any jewelry, which just made the tears fall faster and harder. Poor little girl was off to a rough start on a Monday morning. Oh, but I did the “right thing” by being right on time for school. Oh please!

So after tattling on myself and putting my big failure out there for the world, please let me offer up my defense. So what happened is….Bella got up with her alarm (yes, she’s a big girl at 7 now and likes to wake up by herself) and came down and sat, no snuggled, on the couch. I came out of my room, offered up sweet good mornings and told her we couldn’t lay around, that she needed to get her bed made and get dressed while I got her breakfast. After some grumbling about not wanting to go to school and just wanting to stay home and play with Tater and see Daddy, she trudged her way upstairs to begin getting ready, or so I thought. Remembering it was PE day at school I went upstairs to remind her to wear shorts and a t shirt as opposed to some fancy, cutesy outfit since she would be outside in the heat of the day. When I open her door guess who is picking out an outfit…for her Build A Bear. Yep! Still not doing what she needs to get done (although to her credit, she had made her bed). So I gently reminded her that if she did not get dressed and get her hair brushed quickly she may not have time for breakfast before school, and really the only person she was hurting was herself, because I could come home and eat whatever I wanted (ok, a little unnecessary jab, perhaps, but she needed a reality check). And would I really let her go without breakfast? Of course not! But still.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details of the morning and get right to the point. She was dawdling, I was getting frustrated, it was 5 minutes after we normally leave the house, and she wants to wake up Daddy still. I was trying to make a point of doing what’s right and not being late, and because of her choice to dawdle the morning away, something had to give. The problem with my point was that it hurt her. She didn’t miss out on having the hair do she wanted, or having to settle for a less than desired breakfast or outfit. She didn’t miss out on stopping for a treat before school. No, she missed out on seeing her daddy, whom she was really missing and just wanted to say good morning to. This is the problem with being a mom, a woman, who stands firm on principle. Sometimes, this time, the “right thing”, the principle, was completely and utterly the wrong thing!

When Doing the "Right Thing" is Completely Wrong

A Letter to the Teacher

To my daughter’s teacher,

When I dropped my child off to you this morning you asked if there was anything else you should know about her, any special instructions or information that may be useful or necessary for you to successfully take her in your care for the day. I said no because I didn’t want to take your time and attention away from your students so deserving of your undivided attention, and I am confident it won’t take long for you to discover just how special my little girl is all on your own.  But in all actuality, my answer to you wasn’t completely honest. You see my precious baby does not have any “special” needs, no food allergies or physical or mental limitations. She does not have any social or emotional needs that require special attention, so I guess technically no, there isn’t “anything else” outside of our contact info and her going home info that is absolutely necessary for you to know immediately.

Really though, yes, this little beauty does come with her own set of special instructions. You see, she is not just another 7 year old smiling face all decked out in her brand new Justice outfit (fully accessorized, I might add) and shiny new shoes, with her carefully chosen backpack and lunchbox. No, she is MY precious 7 year old who is growing up too fast, who acts brave and tough, but who has a beautiful sweet heart. She is my little miraculous gift from God, and by leaving her in your care, I am inviting you into her life; therefor I have some special instructions that I need you to follow in order to help me fulfill my promises I made to my angel, and to God when He entrusted her to me.

Please be tough, but tender. Be firm and strong in your rules, but please be loving and kind.

Keep your expectations of her high, but please be forgiving of her mistakes, and celebrate her achievements whole-heartedly.

Please, I beg you, be a great example for her, be a positive role model. Because she is looking to you for guidance, and she puts all her trust in you. Whatever you do, please protect her love and respect for teachers.

Teach her to work hard, but to have fun too.

Foster her creativity, and nurture her inquisitive mind. She is a big thinker with big dreams and so much going on in that sweet little head. Please appreciate her individuality, and love her for all her spunk and silliness.

Please encourage and uplift her. By all means, teach her to accept and appreciate constructive criticism, but never compromise her sense of self-worth.

Encourage her to own her mistakes and make them right (whether it be with her friends or her school work), and to treat others as she would like them to treat her.

Always be honest! Please, please be honest. Honesty builds trust, and trust is the true foundation of strong relationships.

Thank you for taking the time to read my special instructions for my unique, free-spirited little girl. I know that she is going to grow and thrive in your class, and I sure hope you enjoy and appreciate all the sass and spirit and fun she will bring to your second grade class. Have a wonderful school year!

 

 

A Letter to the Teacher