My Personal Pregnancy Stages...up to now

 

I’ve dreamed of being pregnant, I’ve read up so much on it over the years. I just knew I would recognize all the signs and symptoms, and the stages and trimesters would be familiar to me, if it ever happened. In fact, I thought I may have ruined any potential magic and surprise by researching so much. Because really, what else is an overly hopeful mom-to-be supposed to do over the course of many, many years of yearning and praying. I was ready, I was doubtful, I was hopeful. That makes no sense, I know, but it’s how I felt. So now that I’m pregnant I should be an old pro, right? Wrong! This is so exciting and new and different and I feel like I’ve never felt before, emotionally and physically.

 

I’ve sort of been experiencing phases of acceptance, if you will. I didn’t know that would happen! When I first found out I was pregnant it really kind of was “all about me”. I was pregnant. I was sick. I was tired. I was feeling and seeing changes in my body that no one else would know about. It was more about a pregnancy and less about a baby. Oh it was exciting and miraculous and I was overjoyed. But still at first it was mostly “I’m pregnant”.

After the sickness part was gone (oh thank God, thank Heaven, thank all things holy!) all of a sudden it became a reality that this pregnancy was about new life. Pregnancy means a new baby. Of course I knew that! Even though my mom pulled me from that part of health class in 8th grade I still know how these things work. I knew that that little plus sign on the pregnancy test, those 3 months of starvation alternating with nausea accompanied by constant fatigue meant my body was working hard to develop a little human. Logically, intellectually of course I know this. And even emotionally I was accepting, no thrilled, that God was doing miraculous work through me to bring forth a new life to honor and serve Him. I know this and I have prayed daily thanking Him for this. The only way I know to describe the feeling at that point is to say that my pregnancy was about us having “a” baby.

Now that I’m at the halfway point of 20 weeks and so excited beyond words to see “a” baby on an ultrasound picture (tomorrow!!) and find out if we’re having a boy or a girl my reality is changing once again. I’m still pregnant, of course, and absolutely loving it. I still have “a” baby growing inside of me, of course. But now it’s not “a” baby. It’s our baby! Oh my gosh! It’s our baby! This is a little person who is a part of me and my husband, but who will be unique and special. This is a tiny person that may have my nose and his sweet smile. It may be a little girl with my blond hair and his bright blue eyes. Or a little boy with his courage and my stubbornness. But it’s our little person. Another family member. I can feel our baby move, I can see major changes in my body, and I feel my heart expanding every day and overflowing with love and gratitude for this baby, for my family, for miracles, and for life. 

 

My Personal Pregnancy Stages...up to now

All Kinds of Mom

Yes, it’s official. I have changed my name. I found something that just suited me better, so I’m going with that. I know, I know, it’s been a while since I’ve written, and obviously a lot has happened! My name change is a reflection of a little of that. I’m not changing my personal, legal name of course. That name is who I was always meant to be. No, it’s my blog name that has changed! Andrea Ceely- Writer was just sort of a description, a word, but not really me.                                                                                   So now I’ve become All Kinds of Mom. Much better!  After all, that really describes me to a tee!

My first mom role came about 81/2 years ago with the birth/adoption of my baby girl.                                                             I became (technically speaking) an “adoptive mom”, though really I’m just mom. With the adoptive mom title also came “stay at home mom”, a role which I embraced, enjoyed, and cherished! About a year later my role switched to “part-time working mom” as my marriage was becoming even more shaky and finances became strained. Then another year plus a few months later I became a full-time working mom. The marriage was mostly over and I was preparing to change roles once again to single working mom. And I did.

My “single working mom” role was challenging, but so rewarding- maybe empowering is the better word choice there. Really I had basically lived as though I was single for the last few years while my ex-husband was busy with his girlfriend and her children, but to have the official title and the independence, and to really be making it on my own was still a big, welcome change. While I wasn’t doing it entirely on my own since I never would have survived without the support of amazing family and friends, I realized I could do it without depending on someone who was so absent, so wrong for me and for my child. So  my single mom role was an eye opening, self-esteem building, learning experience. And then I moved on to another role.

Over the next three years I met the man that God intended just for me,                                                                               became a stay at home mom again, a part time working mom, a work from home mom, and finally a step mom! In 2012 my mom heart expanded even bigger to make room for two sweet, fun, crazy boys who now call me mom, and who gave me a new mom role I never imagined I’d have, but that I cherish. While this mom role has it’s own challenges, it comes with so many rewards. I’m so blessed!

Over the last almost two years I have again become a stay at home, PTA, cheer, soccer, kid focused mom and step mom, and I love it! These kids make me crazy, make me laugh, and make my heart burst with love and pride. I couldn’t imagine anything better. Until a few months ago when we found out God is blessing me with yet another mom role. I get to start all over in the mom process. Come January 1st (or whenever he or she decides to make their grand entrance) I’ll be mom to a sweet newborn baby Ceely. My already big mom heart will expand even more to make room for our family’s fourth child, my second child, my first by birth, and my first with my soul mate and love, my amazing husband.

When I stopped to think of all the ways God has blessed me with this amazing mom                                                              role, this tremendous mom love, I realized that I have received His miracles beyond what my mind could have ever imagined. As a kid I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I always felt it was just who I was, who God made me to be. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine all the ways I would be blessed with that role. And never could I have imagined God’s plan or timing, though I now recognize just how perfect it is. When I struggled to conceive many years ago, I could not have known how beautifully and perfectly adoption would change my life. When I was at my lowest point in life, struggling through a divorce and financial disaster, I had no idea that God would send me a wonderful man and two little boys to bring me a whole new life and love. And now I’m just in awe of God’s grace and mercy as He is growing our family and letting me be a mom yet again with an amazing and miraculous new life to round out our beautiful, crazy family. Thank you God for trusting me to be all kinds of mom to four of your precious angels.

 

All Kinds of Mom

Remember It's MEMORIAL DAY!

Repost: I wrote this last year at this time, and I think it’s a reminder that needs to be stated again.

What is Memorial Day really all about? Sure we enjoy a nice long weekend cooking out, playing in the water, and celebrating the start of our summer. And hopefully most of us stop for at least a moment to think about what Memorial Day means. But do we really know?

Memorial Day, previously called Decoration Day, originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the fallen Union soldiers. By the 20th century Memorial Day had been extended to honor all American soldiers who have died in all wars. Memorial Day is a day to remember fellow Americans who have lost their lives serving our country in the United States Armed Forces.

Over the years, the long holiday weekend has come to signify the beginning of summer, family gatherings, fireworks, trips to the beach, and of course, the Indianapolis 500. We should all enjoy the American traditions, and enjoy our family time; but we should also teach our children what this important day means to us. Please be sure to take a moment to just think of those who lost their lives fighting for the freedoms that we live to enjoy every day. Flags should be flown at half staff until noon in honor of those who gave their lives in service to our country. At noon the flag is raised to signify the memory of those lost being raised by the living who resolve to not let their sacrifice be in vain, but to continue to fight for liberty and justice.

Remember It’s MEMORIAL DAY!

Remember It's MEMORIAL DAY!

Rising From the Depths of Despair

Today I had a break through, thanks to a much needed visit with a very dear friend. Earlier I was trying to write, but I was just so darned depressed that it wasn’t working for me. I mean, I was literally curled up on the couch with my blanket, TV on, iPad open, and tears rolling down my face intermittently throughout the morning. (Then my husband sent me the sweetest text that made happy tears roll with the sad ones!) I didn’t want to write something that would bring anyone down, or invoke pity or even sympathy. I just needed to write to get it all out there. Then my big epiphany led me to exactly what I want to say.

My pity party this morning, though perhaps a little self-indulgent, was not completely undue. In all fairness, it has been an extraordinarily challenging 5-6 months for my family, and well, this morning it was just weighing on me. We’re talking the stuff of depression and self pity. The stuff that can destroy a precarious relationship or strengthen the infallible one. Things like a miscarriage, a health scare, a cancer diagnosis, an unexpected and untimely death, a job loss, a temporary new job 200 miles away, just to name a few of the major things. It’s been tough, to say the least, but there has been so much good mixed in there too! And I know I am not going this road alone, my family is not doing it alone, and there are so many great things headed our way. So this morning, as blue as I was feeling and as much as it felt good to sit and wallow a while, I really was trying to keep myself from free-falling the whole way down to the bottom of the oh poor me pits. So I kicked my lazy butt into gear, got a shower and made myself presentable, spent a few moments thanking God for all of His amazing blessings in my life and lifting up those I know who need lots of prayers right now, and moved forward with my day with a bit of a better attitude.

Then my friend asked if my daughter and I wanted to come over to hang out after school, and I thought that was just what the doctor ordered. So I happily (maybe even exuberantly) accepted. As the kids played my friend and I talked. And talked. And talked. And in the midst of all the talking I stated, without even thinking about it, that the reason I felt so depressed today is because my mind, my heart has taken a gigantic leap back in time to about 5 years ago and earlier. Bing! There it was, my big epiphany! Even though I know in my logical mind that my husband is just out of town temporarily for a job to support our family and provide for us, my apparently still tender spirit has started to put up it’s defenses. I’m feeling like a single mom again, and I’m panicking. My subconscious seems to be nagging me to step up to the plate. To be mom and dad to my daughter. To keep the household running smooth. To watch every penny carefully to ensure that we’re ok. My cruel subconscious was trying to make me believe I was all alone!

So why is this such a fabulous epiphany? Because really, it sounds kind of bad, and sad, and not too great at all. Well, what’s so great about it is that now that I recognize what is going on I’m able to talk myself through it, to pray my way through it. Yes, I am human and I believe it’s ok to cry sometimes. But I was getting frustrated because I just wasn’t understanding what I was feeling. I know my faith in God is strong, and that He will get my family through all of this. I’m really not worried. My husband and I work together everyday to keep our eyes on God and His plan for us, and we remain faithful.  So why couldn’t I shake this sadness? Why was I not feeling at peace? Because even though my conscious mind knew it wasn’t true, I was feeling like I was back to being just me and God and Bella against the world. But I’m not!

This realization has already lifted my spirits tremendously. While I miss my husband like crazy, I know he’s only a phone call, a face time call away. He is still very much on this journey with me. It’s not my journey, not my life, but ours. Yes, our road has been so tough but we’re making it, together. He and I are strong together, we belong together, and we will get through it all, as a family, with God- together!

Jeremiah 29:11  “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Rising From the Depths of Despair

Eight Years Ago I Was Shopping!

Eight years ago today I was doing some shopping. A lot of shopping. Major shopping! I was shopping for, yep, you guessed it, baby stuff! Eight years ago yesterday I received the call that changed my life, my world, and who I was and would become. I got the call telling me I was going to be a mommy! And soon! Little did I know just how soon, but I knew I’d better start preparing.

Of course I had been “preparing” for a long time, sort of. I was hoping and dreaming about becoming a mom, and I started letting myself believe just a little that it might really happen, and so I bought a few soft blankets and some sweet little onesies and I called myself prepared. I refused to open up my heart to the possibility of even more hurt and disappointment after so many years of pain, so I didn’t really buy everything one might need for a newborn, even though I knew when we signed on with our adoption agency that there was a very real, very great chance that motherhood was in my near future. Sure, there was a bedroom, and there were dreams, but there was no car seat, stroller, diapers, or baby furniture. Because buying those things would really expose my dreams to the world. Harder yet, buying those things would open up my heart and soul to possible devastation yet again, and I just couldn’t face that.

But when that call came making my dreams of motherhood a reality, I lost all control of my emotion. I was so thrilled, and I wanted this so much that I gave all of myself to the dream. And so I shopped. I spent that weekend eight short years ago shopping for baby necessities. I picked out just the perfect things for my perfect little girl- a pink and gray travel system, colorful butterfly and flower bedding and room decorations, cold weather necessities for a couple weeks in Kentucky, and just baby stuff. It was fun and thrilling and scary and beautiful all at the same time.  It’s funny how I can remember those moments like they were yesterday. I look at my sweet, beautiful crazy little seven almost eight year old and I marvel at God’s grace and His blessings in my life. Simply amazing!

 

 

 

Eight Years Ago I Was Shopping!

I Can't Fix It For the Broken Kids

I recently read an article about a 24 year old mother who was arrested for child endangerment after police found her unresponsive in the shower, and her two small children were left unattended, and it just turns my stomach. Apparently there had been two other adults in the home, but after they put the mother in the shower in a futile attempt to arouse her, they left. When police arrived, they found the older child crying for help to wake up his mom, and they found an uncapped syringe with clear liquid and a burnt spoon in the bathroom with her. The children were placed in the custody of their grandmother, and the older child was interviewed by Child Protective Services.  He told them that “his mom gives herself shots all the time in the bathroom but he isn’t allowed to go in when she is giving the shots.”

These are the stories that just rip your heart apart! Those innocent children deserve so much better, and they don’t even know it! And where was the grandmother before this happened? These are the situations where I just don’t understand how the so-called “parent” got to be a parent. Why did God let that happen when there are so many safe, loving homes lacking, but longing for, the warmth and love of sweet babies. What on earth led that woman to believe her home, her lifestyle, would provide a loving environment for impressionable children? Does the father of the children know what they are going through? Does he even care? And how can he not?

I don’t want to judge, and obviously I don’t know all the facts and all the history. But man, with the facts I do know I just can’t help but feel sad and hurt for these kids. And for their mom too, I suppose. I mean, what must she be going through or have gone through in her life to have such a need for drugs that they are more important than the safety and welfare of her children? I wonder if she feels guilty for scaring them like she did. I wonder if she is afraid of the control the substances have over her that she is willing to make any and all sacrifices for them.

Stories like this remind me just how naive and sheltered I am, that I just can’t fathom a mom behaving in such a way. I hate to think that there are so many other kids facing such sad, lonely, and scary childhoods. But the reality is there are, and I know it. It’s so hard to think about because I can’t fix it. And that’s what I want to do, as a mom, as a compassionate human, is to fix it for them.

But really, each of us has an opportunity to help kids like this. We  can be a mentor at our kids’ schools. Believe it or not there are kids there whose best time of the day is at school. That may be their only opportunity for close contact and interaction. That may be the only place they are getting fed.  And that may be the only place someone cares about them. We can get to know the kids at our churches and community activities and help them see that there are loving caring adults, and there is someone they can turn to if they need a helping hand. Also, there are so many kids in the foster care system who have lived in dire situations, who have seen more in their short little lives than most of us can even fathom. And I know that foster parenting and adoption are not the right fit for every family, but we can all spread the word and make it more widespread so that kids who have been removed from a less than ideal situation have loving arms waiting and wanting to protect them.

Thinking of kids hurting, especially at the hands of their own parents, is gut wrenching and sad. It is one of life’s biggest tragedies, and a depressing reality. Take your kids in your arms and hug them to pieces. Thank God for them and the joy they bring into your home. And then teach them compassion for others, and help them understand that a little kindness can go a long way in the life of one who sees little good in the world.

 

I Can't Fix It For the Broken Kids

Do Your Children Truly Get Veteran's Day? Do You?

“Veterans Day: A celebration to honor America’s veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.”

Happy Veteran’s Day! Or perhaps, Thankful For Our Veteran’s Day! However you want to say it, the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month has been a significant day in United States history since 1918, which marked the armistice ending the fighting in “the war to end all wars”, World War I. November 11, 1919 was the first Armistice Day, and in the words of President Woodrow Wilson, ”To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…”

Over the course of our history, after other treacherous wars were fought by so many service men and women to preserve and enhance our free nation, this day became known as Veteran’s Day. Legislation was passed on June 1, 1954 to make November 11th a day to honor American veterans of all wars, then on October 8th of that same year President Dwight D. Eisenhower issued the first Veteran’s Day proclamation which stated, “In order to insure proper and widespread observance of this anniversary, all veterans, all veterans’ organizations, and the entire citizenry will wish to join hands in the common purpose.” He then designated the offices and personnel that would coordinate and organize proper observance on a national level.

On June 28, 1968 the Uniform Holiday Bill was passed, and it was designed to ensure three day weekends for federal employees for four national holidays, Veteran’s Day being one of those. It was thought that these long weekends would encourage travel and spending, therefor boosting the nation’s economy. However, some states did not agree, and thus continued to celebrate those four holidays on their originally appointed date. So in 1978 it was decided that the observance of Veteran’s Day would be restored to November 11, preserving it’s historical significance, and reiterating it’s important purpose- to honor American veteran’s for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

Today’s history lesson is brought to you by me, to serve as a reminder to all of how this holiday began, what it means, and why we should be honoring all men and women who have served and are currently serving our great nation. You see, whether our veterans served in battle, trained military personnel, or served in other capacities to enhance our military and provide for our country, they all signed up to serve and protect, no matter the cost. They were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their country, our country. In these trying times in the United States of America, during times of such division and turmoil, it is so important to remember that we as a nation have fought long and hard to enjoy the freedoms we enjoy. And it’s even more important to honor those who have volunteered to be on the front lines standing up for this country we love, and for the ideals we as a christian based nation were founded on.

So let me ask. Do your children truly understand the meaning and historical significance of Veteran’s Day? Can anyone explain to me why our children devote so much time to learning about a historical figure such as Martin Luther King but spend no time honoring our veterans? They actually have Martin Luther King Day off of school, but not President’s Day, or Veteran’s Day. Am I the only one who has an issue with that? Not that I want them to be off school another day, but how is it decided which federal holidays and which historical figures deserve observance with suspending learning entirely after a month long celebration and education, and which ones are briefly mentioned in passing? The original concept for Veteran’s Day was a day of parades and public meetings, and a brief suspension of business at 11:00am. In 1926 Congress passed a concurrent resolution with these words (just a partial clip) “…inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples.” Maybe I’m way off base here, but I just feel Veteran’s Day is of significant importance to the entire foundation of our nation, and should be honored as such.

Last year Bella’s school did a wonderful program honoring veteran’s in general, and encouraging the student’s pride in their families’ veterans. The kids gathered the names, branches, and ranks of family members who had served or are currently serving and were introduced with them, if possible, and some of the parent veteran’s stood up and spoke to the children about their service. It was a wonderful tribute. This year they eliminated the program all together. They did have the students turn in the names of veterans and active military personnel in their families so they could honor them on a wall dedicated to Veteran’s Day. But I suppose an hour of the “common core curriculum” learning time just couldn’t be afforded. After all, how will these 5-10 year old children ever be ready for the rigorous academics of the universities if they give up their math and reading time for such minutia as honoring fellow humans who have paved the way for their futures?

On that note, let me close with a heartfelt thank you to my husband, my grandfather, my cousin, and my other family members and friends who have shown their love of country and willingness to sacrifice by serving in the military of the United States of America!

Do Your Children Truly Get Veteran's Day? Do You?