Tell Me I'm Not the Only One!

I think it’s happening…I think we’re becoming those people. Those everyday ordinary regular people who are just busy. All the time, busy. I guess that’s what happens when you work, have 3 kids, an adoption, an appointment with the tax man…and in case things weren’t crazy enough we added a puppy to that mix! I’m looking for a little “down time” and instead we added another little one that needs lots of care and attention. We have lost our minds. I just know it! Well at least our new addition is sweet and cute, and kind of irresistible.

How Mommy Feels!!

Really, down time is not necessarily what I need anyway. I mean, I do have time to sit here and write (not that I can really always concentrate, but…) and I do get to take my kids to do various fun things, and we sleep in, or try to anyway.  And my husband is happy to do super hero training with the kids on the weekend while I shop or go walk along the Causeway. So yeah, I know. Your level of sympathy for me has just plummeted. Hit rock bottom in fact. But that’s ok. Sympathy isn’t really what I need. I mean I really have nothing to complain about. Not really. It’s just that I’m tired, and I miss my husband, and I think a little peace and quiet for just a few moments sounds heavenly. Have you been there, done that?

In trying to figure out why I’m so tired, I have concluded that the noise of bickering children is loud and stressful. Very stressful! And when we go from one child who only plays make believe games by herself so minimal arguing occurs, to three children who compete to be the best, fastest, smartest, silliest, cutest, whatever-est, the stressful sounds escalate, and the stress level increases three fold. Now my children are not necessarily always fighting. Not with each other in real life anyway. But if they aren’t battling it out as three normal siblings, they’re competing as super heroes, or sci-fi creatures, or video game crusaders, all of whom must battle. Loud. I mean really loud. And that can be enough to push this mom over the edge.

So as the saying “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” goes, I can’t take the noise so I get out of the house. We get out of the house. And then my children magically transform into conversationalists (sometimes!). We talk, they tell me stories, and we typically all get along. Seriously, I can take them most anywhere and they’re so easy to manage. They usually get along well, and they will listen well. And they’re typically polite and respectful. So why am I so stressed when we’re home? Because they are vying for my/ our attention (since Mark is often working, and I’m often trying to write). Hello, Blondie! That one just hit me. Of course they’re the best kids ever when it’s all about them. Of course they love when Mark plays outside with them, or I take them to the park then 7-11 for Slurpees. Of course they like swimming, bowling, and going to the movies with us. And they even love sitting together as a family to watch Cupcake Wars, or a movie. This is because it’s all about kids. And it usually is, until at least 10:00 every night. Thus the reason I say I miss my husband!

We work so hard to make summer special and fun for the kids, and why wouldn’t we? Summer vacation is supposed to be playtime. It’s supposed to be fun and silly and whimsical. And since our family time with all five of us is limited we really try to maximize and make the most of it. And for the most part I love it! We all love it! But I sure do have my moments of missing grown up time with my hubby, of craving a date night, of wanting to have an uninterrupted, un-listened to by little ears conversation. Hmm… I wonder if the kids sometimes crave the structure of going to school each day. Do they miss their early bedtimes and required daily study time? Do they miss playtime with friends at school, without their parents knowing every single thing they do? Maybe, just maybe they do!

Tell Me I'm Not the Only One!

Fabulous 40!

Forty is FABULOUS! It truly is. A few months back I was feeling a little down about hitting the big 4-0, a natural feeling it seems. It’s not that 40 seemed so old, necessarily, or that I didn’t want to hit 40, because Lord knows that’s much better than the alternative of not making it. It’s just that 40 sounds so grown up and mature. 40 didn’t really sound like me, it didn’t quite seem to fit me. Not that I’m immature (though I have been known to whine and even possibly pout on occasion, and I giggle when my husband says a “dirty” word), I just don’t want to be “settled” and “content”, and I’m not ready to sit back and let life just happen. So naturally the thought of turning forty was a little frightening.

Since 40 was going to come, I had decided I wanted to live it up. I wanted to make it fun! I wanted an adult night out with friends and family. I wanted to go to a comedy club, or cosmic bowling. Something a 30- something mom just doesn’t get too many opportunities to do. I guess I wanted to party like I was turning 21 (since that coming of age was not a big party at all!) Anyway, that’s what I thought I wanted.

Lucky for me my husband listens to me, knows me so well, and is very in tune to me. Because he planned a birthday for me like none other, filled with all the things I love most (mostly my family!). He and my daughter put their heads (and thoughtful ideas) together and decided I deserved 40 all about me surprises for my big 4-0. And all three kids and my dear sweet hubby came up with all the things they thought I would love. Fabulous!!

Forty days before “the” big day my husband presented me with a beautiful ceramic flip flop jewelry box hand painted by none other than the man himself. So personal and made with love. Perfection! Another day he presented me with a delicious box of chocolates and just announced “number 39!” Hmm..okay.

The eve of my departure from a decade of much, much change and growth in my life into a new frontier brought a buzz of excitement in our house. Mark was driving the boys down from North Carolina to spend the summer with us, and everyone had lots to do to make the next day a success. Well, everyone but me that is. I just had to sit and wait and wonder. And ponder what 40 is all about. I had lots of time to think about how I really felt about turning 40. And you know what I realized? I was pretty keyed up about it.

My 40th birthday did bring tons of love and fun surprises, and an adventure too! I was pampered (think new hair do, mani/ pedi, sweet tea, breakfast hosted by my sweet hubby and kids with my parents included, jewelry, shopping, movies) and surprised (my car windows were tinted for me, I got a star named after me, we had family photos with my parents once again included, a lovely surprise dinner and family party at home after). I get to do something I’ve never done before- sky surfing! And I enjoyed my surprise family day more than I could have ever liked  a comedy club or cosmic bowling. What was I thinking! But the other thing this decade change brought me was realization.

I realize that 40 is fabulous because I am content and settled. That doesn’t mean I’m boring or old. It doesn’t mean I have to sit back and let life pass me by. I don’t even have to start wearing  tent dresses or mom jeans! It does mean that I’m just me, and there’s no one I’d rather be. It means 40 is just the next number after 39. It is not a number that changes my identity. It is not an age that transforms me over night. I’m still just a young (at heart anyway) mom wearing my slightly ripped up jeans and flip flops with a fitted tee, and being the best mom I know how to be. I’m still a woman pursuing a dream of writing. I’m still a wife who adores my husband and giggles like a school girl at his jokes.  I’m still a friend who enjoys some girl time. I’m still just me. A little older, a little wiser, a lot more confident, and a lot more comfortable with who I am. Happy 40th to me!

*My 40th was back in June, but for some reason this post kept me stumped. I knew I wanted to write it, the words just weren’t coming out right. Could it be because we’ve barely been home since then? Or that I have three crazy kids keeping things hectic around the house? Anyway…better late than never! 

 

Fabulous 40!

Who Knew?!

My kids teach me new things every day. Some lessons are harder than others. And some are just cute and funny. Take today’s lesson…a peach pit can be a friend and play mate.  Yep, that’s what they’ve taught me today.

After lunch the two younger kids asked me to clean off their peach pits really good for them, so I obliged, intrigued by what they would do with them. Well as of right now they are pulling them around the house on a “leash” in the hamster ball giving them the grand tour of the house. Creativity at it’s best. And the best part- the kids are getting along. Like really getting along. Not competing, not having to be the best or smartest, not having to have the “best” peach pit. They’re just being cute and innocent and playing together. Oh how that melts this mom’s heart! Oh and the other part of that I love is that it doesn’t involve super heroes, star trek, violence, or battles. Just 2 sweet kids, 2 clean peach pits, and 2 vivid imaginations syncing together. Sweet!

Oh wait, I hear whining from the oldest. Back to reality. Huge *sigh*. It was wonderful while it lasted!

Who Knew?!

Relaxing is for Sissies

So our summer got off to a super fun start visiting family in Ormond Beach. We played, we laughed, we visited, and we ate…a lot! The first full week of summer vacation was an easy week that somehow went by super fast. It was just a week of doing what we want when we want. A week of sleeping in, relaxing, and just enjoying the break from the school routine. Then Mark left on Thursday night and drove the boys home on Friday, and the fun craziness began.

Friday night the kids got in late, so they all played and we visited a little before bedtime. The next morning was my 40th birthday, and my family had a full day of fun and surprises planned, (that’s a whole separate blog in itself) and I don’t think we slowed down since. Or not much anyway.

We’ve been to the movies, we’ve been to the beach, we’ve been to the pool, we’ve played with friends, we’ve gotten Build A Bears, we’ve eaten out, and the kids are going to church camp…and it’s only Wednesday! Keep ‘em busy, that’s what we say. Somehow the slow summer with not much planned has become a fast paced whirlwind of family, friends, travels, and fun. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But this mom is one tired girl! Is it bad that by 3:00 (and that’s on a good day) I’m already looking forward to bedtime for the kids so I can snuggle up on the couch with my hubby and relax and unwind before the craziness begins again the next morning?

Relaxing is for Sissies

Marriage Bootcamp

I was awakened at 3am today by the loud crash of something falling somewhere in the house. Ok, it probably wasn’t so loud since it was a tiny cup and toothbrush falling to the bathroom floor, but in my deep sleep it may as well have been the roof caving in. Anyway, the adrenaline rush woke me completely and instead of sleep visiting me again I was kept awake by hunger. Like stomach rumbling hunger. And a peanut butter and honey sandwich was just what I needed. So I gave in to the hunger and craving, got up and made my sandwich, and turned on the TV.

I have a slight addiction to family, wedding, baby, and house hunting reality shows so I found a show called “Marriage Bootcamp” and I snuggled in with my blanket, sandwich, and glass of milk to feed my addiction. The show featured four or five couples who are struggling in their marriage, and who agreed to attend this boot camp and give it 100% to try and save their marriage. The couples all shared a house for the duration of the boot camp, and they all were critiqued by the shows directors and therapists on their openness, their emotion, and their commitment to their spouse and to the program.

When I turned on the show the couples were meeting with a divorce attorney to discuss terms and details, as though they were actually going through it. The couple that I saw talking with the attorney were so cold and bitter and angry, and they had apparently had discussions about divorce details prior to this meeting. I think the point of this exercise was for couples to face the reality of the process and to hopefully give them a deeper appreciation for the life they have. After that, the couples were asked to write an honest, heartfelt letter to their spouse, to turn it in, and to go back to the house.

Later on the couples were taking a few minutes to get to know each other when they were called, one by one, to their next exercise. The exercise that brought me to tears. The exercise that I know would make me break down and cling to my husband for dear life. The exercise that has to make any couple who has any chance at a lasting marriage realize the love they have for their spouse. The funeral.

Yes, I did say the funeral, of one spouse. They literally had one partner climb in a casket, they had a portrait of that person, and it looked exactly like a real funeral. The other spouse was brought in to see their husband or wife lying in a coffin, eyes closed, hands folded, and a somber gathering of “loved ones” mourning the loss. The surviving spouse had to read their letter, in past tense,  out loud, then they touched their partner in the coffin on the forehead and that person could then respond.

I couldn’t help it, I broke down. It freaked me out to think of climbing into a coffin, it made me ill to think of seeing my precious husband lying there as though he were dead, and it broke my heart for these couples who need this extreme , awful task to realize how precious life is, and how blessed they are in their lives. Sadly two of the couples didn’t even “get” the point of the exercise at all. One wife (the one I previously mentioned who was so bitter when speaking with the divorce attorney) refused to participate at all, and one husband mocked his wife saying, “why are you crying? I’m not dead you know.” Seriously? On the other hand, one wife stood up in that coffin, jumped into her husbands arms, and sobbed her heart out as she clung to him.   Obviously after watching this I went back to bed, snuggled in close to my husband, and thanked God for this man, this family, this life He has blessed me with.

 

 

Marriage Bootcamp

I Just Wanna Be Me!

Since I’ve started blogging and working on my book in earnest I’ve been researching a lot of different writing styles and blogs, and here’s what I’ve found. In the quest to be “different” or have an element that sets them apart from others, blog mom’s are going way out on a limb and getting extreme. Shocked? I didn’t think so. And yeah, I get it. They want to find something that interests people, that makes them want to read their stuff. And I do too. I write a lot about adoption, which is something that not everyone relates to, but that those who do are passionate about. So yes, I really do get it.

The part I struggle with is the blogs and websites that are dedicated to making those of us “normal” moms feel less than perfect. Less than adequate even at times. Where is the mom who just lives? Who thinks about working out and exercising a whole lot more than she actually does. Who tries to feed her family balanced meals, but who still serves meat and potatoes and canned veggies (and even MickeyDs sometimes!) for dinner and lunch meat or PB&J for lunch. Who makes sure her kids get some physical activity every day, and who monitors the electronics, but wants to let the kids just be kids too. I’m looking for the mom who will attempt to do a craft or two occasionally, but who doesn’t have to reign Pinterest project queen supreme. The mom who  enjoys baking, but Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies made with the recipe on the bag are the cookie of choice. Oh, and this mom uses real, regular sugar and butter and brown sugar. And guess what? She’s not obese, she’s not lazy, she’s not unhealthy, or an unfit mom. She’s just a wife and a mom living her best life.

The other style I’ve taken a bit of a disliking to are the “real” women who go on and on about their love for booze. “I don’t go to play dates unless wine is served.” Or the ones who display their potty mouth with pride for all the world to read, with their “I don’t care what you think of me” attitude, that means I really do care, but since I don’t think I’m good enough I’ll run with my imperfections. Or the doom and gloom, life is so rough but I’m just getting by and that’s the best you can expect of me. No way! Life can be tough, but please have higher expectations of me than just being, than just getting by. Because I know I deserve better, my family deserves better, and I can do more!

Let me reiterate, I do somewhat get it. I really do. Some of these sites have a huge following, me being one of those followers, because I like some of the stuff I see. And I do relate sometimes to the things they’re saying. And sometimes they are just entertaining. But for me, I think I’ll just try to be the middle of the road and be myself. Which may or may not get me readers. It may or may not spark interest. But it will definitely help me say what I think, what I feel, and what I want to share. I know many of my friends and family can and will relate to my family daily life antics. And hopefully all will see that a divorced, newly remarried adoptive mom to one and step mom to two who shares her stories can just live a normal life like regular people (I think what I’m trying to say here is despite where we’ve been in life, we’re all just regular people). Hopefully I will help those who have been through trials (umm…that’s absolutely everyone!), no matter how big or small, see that you will survive, you can come out on top, and you can just live and be you!

I Just Wanna Be Me!

Summer Fun... Home School?!

First grade has not even officially wrapped up and already my daughter wants to zip through second grade. Over the summer. With me teaching her. Wow! What’s a not-so-organized, perfectionist mom who doesn’t really do strict scheduling do? Figure it out! If the kid wants to learn and excel, then that’s what we’ll do!

We as a family began working on a summer “bucket list”, if you will, with our ideas and wants for the summer, and our big calendars to plug in the approved items. (It will not be possible to do all the suggested items as the kids want to move-not happening-, and they all want to go to different theme parks. I think we have 4 on our list. Can you say way expensive?!) Anyway, we all gave some suggestions, such as bowling, the beach, make ice cream sundaes, and a water balloon fight, just to name a few; but Bella wants to do home school. And she’s very serious. And adamant. And as a mom, I couldn’t be happier. Sort of.

You see, this is one of those projects that sounds great, and could be fairly simple. Except that it’s Bella’s idea. And she doesn’t do small or simple. Nope. Bella’s ideas are grandiose, and creative, and typically out of my realm of imagination and capability (not to mention way outside of budget!). So we’re working on a compromise. I’m picturing setting aside a little time each day to work our way through an appropriate level workbook that challenges her, and making sure we’re doing daily reading. If I get super creative we may even try a craft or two! If, maybe! She, on the other hand, is picturing setting up our entire house as a big classroom with a gigantic word wall, a separate gathering carpet for “every day counts”, and enough sharpies, markers, white boards, folders, notebooks, etc. to make any elementary school teacher drool.

Fortunately for me, other family adults get to participate in this summer home school fun., so I won’t be going it alone. Mawmaw will be the music teacher, and Papa will be arts and crafts. Daddy will be the PE teacher, and I get the rest. We shall see how this summer unfolds, and I just know I will have plenty of pictures and anecdotal stories to share! If you have any suggestions, ideas, or coping mechanisms I welcome them!

Summer Fun... Home School?!